Who Is America’s Worst Governor?

-Originally blogged by Keith Balmer on Typepad.com/ Prince of Satire:

March 21, 2011- The Coup D'Etat of Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker infuriated me. So I decided to write a blog post in which I vanquished him with my vicious vernacular. I was so ready to appoint Walker as The Worst Governor In America.

I started writing. But after a day or so, I stopped. It didn't feel right. And that's when it hit me:

There are a lot of shitty governors in America right now!

So instead of devoting an entire blog post to Scott Walker Taxes Ranger, I decided to include a few other governors who could also claim the title of America's Worst Governor.

And to nobody's surprise, they're all Republicans. Let's get started.

The Governor: Rick Scott (Florida)

Rick Scott was once the CEO of Columbia/HCA, a massive hospital chain. The federal government fined Columbia/HCA for Medicaid and Medicare fraud. That fine, a jaw-dropping 1.7 billion dollars, is the largest in American history.

But instead of going to jail, Rick Scott became the governor of Florida.

A guy scams the government and now is an elected official of the government. And in the three months since he's been in office he's doing his best to destroy the fourth largest state.

1. He rejected 2.4 billion in stimulus money to build a high-speed rail line from Tampa to Orlando.

2. He wants to slash 4 billion in spending while cutting taxes for millionaires.

3. He tried to use state funds to build golf courses in state parks while cutting education by 10% and corporate taxes by 5%.

4. He's requiring 600,000 government workers (including police officers, teachers, firefighters, judges, and retirees) to contribute 5 percent to their retirement.

5. He just lopped off $2300 a year in teacher salary to give massive tax cuts to corporations and the wealthy.

He's also not a fan of black people. He proposed eliminating state support for two HBCUs (Historically Black Colleges and Universities). He's shutting down a state agency that assists minority businesses, and he refuses to appoint an African American to any significant position in his administration.

Where's Kanye West when you need him? Someone needs to go on TV and awkwardly declare: "Rick Scott doesn't care about black people!"

Stephen King, a part-time resident of Florida, attended a rally to protest Scott's state budget cuts. Allow me to describe Rick Scott perfectly, using King's famous books as inspiration:

Rick Scott is a bigger clown than the clown from It. This Firestarter wants to turn Florida into his own personal Creepshow, a Dead Zone where his economic policies will have residents screaming "REDRUM!" Sorry Florida, but it looks like you guys are in for a whole lot of Misery.

The Governor: Paul LePage (Maine)

In January, LePage skipped Martin Luther King celebrations in Bangor and Portland. The NAACP criticized him. LePage responded by telling the NAACP, "kiss my butt."

When I first heard about this I was shocked! I turned to my friend and said, "Maine has black people?"

The irony of LePage's comment is that he has an adopted son who is black. Isn't it weird that he would diss the NAACP when it's because of them that he can even adopt a black kid?

But that's nothing compared to the controversy LePage received for his support of BPA, a common chemical additive used in some hardened plastics, such as reusable food and beverage containers. An estimated 6 million pounds of BPA are produced annually, although rising public concern about the potential health affects have prompted some manufacturers to drop the chemical. BPA has been linked to a host of health issues including reproductive problems, learning disabilities, cancer, and obesity.

Politicians in Maine are trying to ban it. But the Governor is adamant in his support for BPA. If you thought his comment about the NAACP was tasteless, check out what he had to say about BPA:

"Quite frankly, the science that I'm looking at says there is no problem. The only thing I've heard is that if you take a plastic bottle and put it in the microwave and heat it up, it gives off a chemical similar to estrogen. So the worst case is some women may have little beards."

Do you really trust the science of this man?

What else is the Governor up to? Well, he wants to bust unions, cut taxes while slashing public services, gut employee benefits and pensions, and raise the retirement age from 62 to 65.

And who will benefit from all of this madness?

Rich people silly rabbit!

The one percent of households in Maine earning over $300,000 dollars will see their income taxes go down by $2700. LePage is taking money from the middle class, so that the rich people in Maine can save $2700.

Stephen King, a part-time resident of Maine, has spoken out against LePage (how many states does that guy live in?).

According to a recent survey, LePage's approval rating has dipped to 44 percent. Something tells me that when he's running for reelection in 2014, the people of Maine will turn Le-Page and tell him to kiss their butt!

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